A few days ago, I walked into school, on a day I didn't have class, to meet with a partner for a project. I wasn't thrilled that I had to drive downtown, but hey. Can't help school responsibilities. I walked in and saw a gentleman who clearly wasn't an ACM student or faculty member. I smiled politely since we had to wait for the elevator together.
He said to me, "You're too happy!"
I was so shocked to hear that! I giggled a little and responded, "Too happy??"
He answered, "Yeah! You're too smiley to be at school and what not!"
I smiled back, "If you say so!"
We got off the elevator and wished the other a great day. I went my own way to (probably) never
see that man again.
As simple and silly as this conversation was, it put a bigger smile on my face. Little did this stranger know, I was stressed out of my mind. I had so many projects and school assignments floating in my brain. Midterms are around the corner. So much to study. I miss my family and my friends. Other relationships were in a rocky place. I felt truly overwhelmed. So why does this matter?? Despite ALL of the chaos in my brain, I appeared to be "too happy" to a complete stranger. He had no idea what was going on in my life. Even when I felt that I was at a breaking point, I still managed to radiate some positivity. That has been one of my goals since my childhood. I always strive to show the love of Jesus in every possible way. I want people to see me, even if they don't know my name, as the girl who is joyful. The girl who smiles no matter what and is nice to everyone around her.
Simple smiles to strangers. Holding the door open for someone. Offering to share my umbrella with a fellow student crossing the crosswalk. It's the little things that can make the biggest difference in someone's life.
If I am being 100% honest with you and myself, the last 4 years of my life haven't been all rainbows and unicorns. Yes, I have had many wonderful moments with the important people in my life. I've been given amazing opportunities and have seen growth. But growth isn't always easy. I've been dealing with a lot of different things, just like everyone else does. Broken friendships, intense personal life change, death in the family, learning daily what it means to walk with Jesus. I had many months where I felt unhappy with how things were going. Upset with myself or situations. I let them overtake me, unfortunately. I was just going through it the best I could. I somehow learned to be happy despite my sadness. I guess that's not an awful thing, but I didn't need to carry that weight. Over the last several months, I have been praying myself out of that. I gave myself a reality check. I was relying on myself too much. I played into my emotions and feelings instead of the promises God has for me. I was tired of it. I (wanted) needed some joy. Happiness is purely a fleeting feeling. It's attached to a moment, an emotion, even a person. Happiness is what is happening. But JOY is a gladness that is not based on your circumstance. Joy cannot be taken from you no matter the circumstance.
At the end of the day, I couldn't get this run in with that stranger out of my head. It made me realize, that something I had been praying over for months was truly radiating from me. I've been praying for joy. Daily. True, God-given joy. A joy that no person or situation could ever take from me. The joy of the Lord has become my strength. And that joy is apparent in how I carry myself and interact with the people around me. I felt blessed to have talked to that man and to have put a smile on his face. But the smile he was seeing was Jesus shining through me.
I had my share of unknowns for awhile. I had moments where I wondered if anything I was doing was even right or working. But my God kept me. He will continue to keep me. And He will keep you too. No matter the circumstance. No matter the uncertainties. He has you. With joy, you can make it through anything. In the midst of trials, rain or shine, cold winter seasons, and abundant seasons, you will survive, friend. Find joy in the day to day activities. Don't rely on big events or trips or concerts or a friend to bring you joy. Look for it everywhere. Radiate love! Be happy in your own skin!
Buy yourself some flowers, and smile.
Be. Joyful.
"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the fay when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7
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