Dear 2019

Dear 2019,

     I have this amazing feeling about you. Typically, a new year doesn't bring those types of feelings for me. They stress me out and make me feel like something life changing has to happen. It's just a weird overwhelming thing because more often than not, something life changing doesn't happen. SO I feel like a failure? I'm so strange I know. I put too much pressure on myself. But this new year feels different. I don't feel that stress. I feel excited, motivated, and ready for whatever life may throw at me this year.

2015 was a defining year. It defined dreams. It defined self worth.

2016 & 2017 were years of waiting. Long years of silence, sitting still, and learning to be patient. I felt alone for the majority of those two years. These two years broke me down in a way. That led to reflection. And that reflection led to decisions that changed the course of the year to come.

2018 was a year of tremendous, yet painful growth. It was a year of hurting, but living so well. I made friends out of strangers, and strangers out of friends. Chocolate fixed a lot of problems. I learned to focus on the good, and to always be kind. This last year taught me more than I think any other year has taught me. Things including joy, real friendship, awareness of my mental state, and what it really means to be me. (You can read all about what I learned and more in my recent post, "Lesson Learned") This was the year that build me back up.

2019- I just feel it, friend. I've been sitting back the last several years. Soaking in every opportunity I was given to learn and grow. Well, not always soaking. Sometimes it was more like sulking. This new year is gong to be different. I feel like this is my year to take off. Maybe not completely. I'm still just a baby with adult responsibilities. I still have way more to learn about myself, my dreams, my goals, and my future. But I think this year has so much in store for me. I hope I don't sound selfish here, but I'm tired of sitting back and feeling like a wallflower. That's just what I do. I smile and watch everyone else go do big amazing things. I want a turn. People my age all seem so grown up. Like they have their lives together already. Like they have their career set up for them. Now, I do realize this is an illusion and they probably feel just as confused as I do, but it's easy to assume that I'm behind. Despite that feeling, I don't want to let my own self stop me from doing new and exciting things.

So 2019,
Please be kind. Bring new friends. Bring new opportunities. Take me out of my comfort zone. Remind me daily how gracious my God is. Help me on my journey of joy. And be the best year yet.
Happy New Year, friends!!

"God can do anything, you know- far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams. He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his spirit deeply and gently within us." 
Ephesians 3:20 MSG